Are You a Bashed Bothered and Beleaguered Blogger?

“There is no such thing as ‘fun for the whole family.’”
--Jerry Seinfeld

Family Member: So, are we going to have dinner tonight, or what?

Blogger: Just give me five more minutes.

Family Member: You said that thirty minutes ago.

Blogger: I’m behind on my blogging. I just have one more paragraph to finish.

Family Member: You said that thirty minutes ago.

Announcer: Hello friends. Tired of having your family hound you about the time you spend blogging? Do friends bristle because your blogging is more important than taking their phone calls? Are neighbors grumbling because your yard is overgrown with unsightly weeds since you started blogging? Have coworkers expressed concern because you have blogging on the brain?

What’s a blogger to do!?

Never fear, friends, because Daisy Dexter Dobbs has a painless solution that will have you in everyone’s good graces again, AND have them singing the praises of blogging!

Sound too good to be true?

Well what would you say if we told you that by the time you’ve finished reading Daisy’s handy-dandy blog post today you will be masterfully equipped with tools so incredible, so miraculous, and yet so deceptively simple and easy that you will have the power to bring your friends and loved ones together in a restorative funfest of laughter, love and hilarity. Not only will they amazed and impressed, they’ll shower you with newfound respect and devotion, too!

All for just $19.95! And if you call now, we’ll throw in a set of Ginzu carving knives absolutely free!

Just kidding. Actually, all this brilliant bit of blog-related inspiration will cost you is a little chunk of your time.

After the first demonstration of your new prowess, friends and family will be forced to admit that, while blogging is indeed addicting, it’s also therapeutic and exceedingly beneficial for the entire family, all your friends and neighbors and everyone in your personal universe!

They’ll finally understand that blogging is a responsibility not to be taken lightly. They’ll stop their whining about blogging being a mindless, frivolous, selfish waste of time. Think of it, you’ll never again be subjected to the pain and heartache of being a bashed, bothered and beleaguered blogger!

So just what exactly is this startling, life-changing secret? It’s a game. A simple search-engine game to be exact. Daisy first heard about a version of it by reading Celia “Cece” Stuart’s blog (and Cece found it from another blogger who found it from another, and ad infinitum).

The original instructions were to enter your name into a search-engine, like Google, followed by the word needs, and then record the 5 funniest results in your blog or in the original posters comments area. In other words, you would enter "your name needs" in the search box. So, if your name is Daisy, enter "Daisy needs" etc. (Include the quotation marks.)

You can probably already see the humor potential. Here, for example are two of the actual results of one of Daisy’s searches:

1. Daisy needs to find a new flat because hers is a rat infested shithole with drugged out squatters.
2. Daisy needs money for shoes, and she can’t go home until she has 1500 pesos.

The results can be downright hilarious just doing this. But wait, friends, Daisy (an undisputed expert in procrastination and time wasting) has taken the game several steps further. After you’ve done the initial search, repeat it using the following words instead of “needs.”

Dreams; hates; loves; travels; searches; wants; wishes; begs; refuses, etc.

And more actual search-engine results:

1. Daisy dreams of raining blood
2. Daisy hates anchovies during sleepovers
3. Daisy loves to play fetch with tennis balls, and loves to squeak her spitty duck
4. Daisy travels to the big city where, much like a Dalmatian, she becomes the black-and-white mascot
5. Daisy searches for someone to give her attention through money and sincere feelings
6. Daisy wants to join the show but the director won't allow a cow on stage.
7. Daisy wishes to meet and marry a foreign man between 45 and 70 years old
8. Daisy begs for both men to paint her face with their *bleep* (some of the results can be quite racy!)
9. Daisy refuses to let him stop the car to urinate

and you can just keep going from there with all sorts of words!

And now here’s the part where YOU become a star! Do a number of searches using the first name of each family member (or title, like Mom, Dad, Grandpa, etc.), friend, neighbor or coworker, selecting the funniest results and then printing them out (about 1 1/2 to 2 double-spaced pages worth of results per person). Gather these people together, away from TV or video games or other distractions and tell them you have a new personalized game that you discovered through the miracle of blogging as you hand each of them their printed sheets. (Sheets that you found out how to put together only because you blog!)

Depending on the age group and personal preference, provide some hot cocoa, tea, or glasses of cabernet. As each person reads their results aloud, tears of laughter flow, healthy endorphins are released because of the therapeutic benefits of the laughter, and everyone feels better than they have in days. All because of YOU and your previous vilified blogging habit!

Not only is this great fun (think of the fun you can have with this at parties--for any age!), it also makes YOU big points for taking the time to do the searches and put everything together. “I’m too busy and this just takes too much time,” you say? Sure, it does involve time on your part. You just need to decide if a couple of hours of laugh-filled, out-of-the-ordinary, no cost quality time with your family or friends is worth it. ;-)

Why not go ahead and experiment here on Daisy’s blog? The cost is only $19.95 to post your comments. Ha-ha! Kidding again! Believe it or not, Daisy has graciously permitted her blog readers to post comments here absolutely free of charge! What a deal! So, do a few searches using your own first name and a few chosen search words and then post about five or so of the funniest results in the comments area. You’ll see just how addicting and hilarious this can be! Have fun!