Bizarre Nonsense Story Featuring Daisy’s Blog Friends

If you follow my blog I don't have to explain that I'm a wee bit off center, because that's clearly obvious. I just wanted to remind you of that fact before you read today's blog post. If you're new to my blog, well then, you've just wandered in to The Daisy Zone (thanks for that one, Raine!).

A while ago I outlined the instructions for a crazy, fun-filled Google-yourself game, guaranteed to suck at least an hour out of your busy lives. But it’s some of the funniest black-hole-time you'll ever spend.

It’s easy. Enter your name into Google, followed by a word such as needs, dreams, hates, loves, travels, searches, wants, wishes, begs, refuses, etc. In other words, you would enter "your name needs" in the search box. So, if your name is Daisy, enter "Daisy needs" etc. (Be sure to include the quotation marks.)

Ah, but this time I did something completely different! I made up a wacky, nonsensical story involving ALL the writers (and some of the other links) listed on my sidebar by doing google searches for each name. In my google search I chose the funniest, most interesting or most apropos blip of text about each name from the results. I kept it PG-rated, which wasn’t easy, given the ultra-naughty stuff that pops up while googling. Every word in the story comes directly from google searches--nothing has been added or embellished. If you haven't visited all of the blogs and websites for the people included below, now's a good time to check them out and perhaps find a new favorite! I love them all and I’m sure you will too. :-D

So, without further ado, here's the utterly madcap story:

Welcome to the Daisy Zone

Annalee started her talk by saying that she was going to make certain assumptions, and that her assumptions are right. Period. Lauren, better known as the belly dancer from Kukurudu debuted her new found Mandolin skills. While the congregation cheered, Anya just stared. Rene often seemed deliberately overdramatic, sometimes. Even melodramatic, leading me to believe that she was exaggerating. I Love Melani! She’s so perverted she makes ME blush!

Kate always began by laughing and running towards the water, stripping layers of clothing away and leaving them in her wake. The next thing we saw was Kate carefully rearranging with her fingers the food remaining on her plate to make a space for her dessert. Kate really needs to stop talking about herself in the third person. While Kate may do outrageous things, she usually does them, thinking she is doing, what's best for those she loves.

The moon jelly, Aurelia, usually appears as a flat, clear blob. If enough of the moon jelly remains, you might see four horseshoe-shaped gonads, purple in males and yellow in females. Jaci won't be responding by showing up naked on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. She was the first to go naked, but Kimberly soon followed. Gina won't even approach the toilet if the bathroom light (aka the potty light) is not on. Rebecca thinks Eve will spend the rest of her life in jail thanks to her. Jaid will be along for the ride in her stroller if the weather is nice.

Wynn tried to feed him some dead thing that fell out of a tree, had wings and three inch teeth and a four foot tongue. Lyn ate that nasty clam fish soup and I could smell it on her breathe for a week. I thought she'd never brush her teeth. Lynn sometimes smells of pineapple and coconut, so if you are allergic to either of these items, please be advised to stay far, far away from her. Lynn laughed. This was not a good omen, but was an accurate predictor of the way the rest of the visit went. Jane's family of course immediately disowned and disinherited her. Undeterred, Jane spent the summer giving out free samples of butter cookies.

We will enjoy milk, juice and cookies while Bernita tells about tea time and the many teapots she owns. A panicked Tess searches the desk drawer for another candy bar but finds none. Ellen finds their bathtub filled with knuckles of pork. J. C. might or might not want to clear up calling "tomato" a vegetable, because it is technically a fruit. They poured out their lunch and Samantha saw a round, hairy thing fall out of the bag onto the floor. Dawn ate possum poo thinking that it was a chocolate-coated almond. Sandy drank all of it, enjoyed the evening and her diarrhea was over in one dose. We were amazed. Daisy can't stand watching people eat without hopping on them. Now that I'm an adult, and can reflect on the situation, I bet Ellen hated our guts and secretly spit in our fries.

At Ellora there are 3 sets of caves totaling around 30 in all – Buddhist, Hindu and Jain each with its distinctive style and iconography. But the highlight of them all is the Kailash Temple. Daisy can't get down the steps and needs help because she is wearing 5-inch stilettos. Jennifer totally teases you to death with her perfect feet! I would like to go on record as saying that Dave never wore bell bottoms. Crissa is competing with about 80 imported and 18 locally manufactured denim labels.

M.E. involved in a boot camp death autopsy allowed license to lapse and once signed a mistake-prone autopsy saying a woman had male genitalia. Jen loves surprises, especially gorillagrams. Cali can't be as bad as the gnomes, bigfeet, banjo-carrying Deliverance wannabes, and zombies I have to fend off. Annmarie will tell you that both her buddies have been killed by flame dragons. I still think anyone that takes Ann seriously should be lobotomized. Who's first? We know that Ann can't possibly take herself seriously, so it's all kind of a moot point.

Dennie has returned from a year among the hippies to her superficial, image-conscious suburban family. Doug travels to the poultry shows all over the USA and I stay home. It seems that Eva hardly stops speaking from the second she sets foot in his house. I think Delinda should kick the old dude to the curb. The poor guy actually fainted and the paramedics had to be called in to revive him while Angie watched from her table, seductively sipping from a straw. Even Daisy can't save this game from disaster by shaking her hooters around.

B.L. never filed a tax return, did not vote, had no tattoos, and moved every few months. Shelley won't explain her mysterious nighttime disappearances. Sela didn't answer and stood holding her toy cat close to her. Stella didn't have anything to say to that, so I opened her cage door and let her out. Audra didn't even look up from her lockpicking.

Identifying Samhain as a Celtic Death God is one of the most tenacious errors associated with Halloween. Against Jeff's wishes, his wife takes a pickaxe to the wall and starts to smash it, claiming there's a hidden room behind it. Dee hopes that this will become a regular Halloween tradition for people. And how come Cece hasn't been coming to church? Wendy detests the act of stealing part of her soul. Karen hid her Jekyll/Hyde pal in a sleazy motel, then had him committed to a sanitarium. I understood that Chris wouldn't have any recollection of the night's events, but I scribed his name on his forehead to make him think about his actions. At least I know Jordan won't be able to take the toy apart over and over again.

Charlene wants to turn our garage into a beauty salon. Raine refuses to get in the washtubs and seems to hate water. Cheyenne thought it was a lot of fun being a mermaid and all but she had no friends. So Cheyenne went exploring in hopes of finding a friend. Heather screamed, worry gnawing at how she would be able to prove herself as the real princess. When we reached our cars, Dorothy sang out "Good-bye Batman, see you tomorrow." In addition to Jorrie getting her snake stick, Shannon took another deep breathe and pulled her 5 bag set of Louis Vuitton luggage to a payphone.

Poor Daisy can't see anything past the opportunity for comedy even if the subject material is actually quite bad.
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That's it! Just imagine how much fun you would have doing this for a party--or for a family gathering! Like I said, it'll suck a giant block of time out of your busy schedule but, hey, every so often it's good to take a break and have some flat-out silly fun!

Honestly, the colossal number of ways I can find to procrastinate when I should be working on my manuscript are positively amazing! That said, you probably won’t be hearing much from me for the next week or so because I’m off to commit myself. No, no, not to a sanitarium--to completing my latest manuscript!

Have fun Googling!



UPDATE: As I’ve discovered others who have linked to my blog I’ve added them to my blogroll and inserted them into my story. As you can see, my blog has a new look! What do you think?

UPDATE #2: Many thanks to all of you who kindly gave me feedback on my previous new blog design. While it showed up fine in most browsers, I’m afraid it displayed as a jumbled mess in others. LOL So I am now presenting an all new and hopefully improved blog design. It’s a three-column design--or, at least, that’s the way you’re supposed to see it. :-0 It looks okay on my screen, but since I’m far from a guru, I have no idea how it looks on yours. Please let me know if there’s a problem with the way this design displays. THANK YOU!! :-D